Poor Brent/Transcript
Brent Leroy: Look at that. Big, wide, beautiful, flat. But pricey. Check out all those zeros. Wanda Dollard: You think a four foot wide TV is a good idea when your living room is five foot square? Brent: Well, a man's TV should reflect his age. You're 18 years old, 18 inch. When you turn 27, 27 inch. One of these monsters will do me till I'm 50. Wanda: You're not 50? Brent: You're not fired? Brent: I thought I had another flyer. Wanda: I chucked it, out there in the garbage. Brent: Well, why would you throw away...? Wanda: Garbage? I'm an enigma. Brent: Really? Does that pay well? Because I got the feeling your gas station career may be winding up. Wanda: Oh, no. Brent: Oh, here comes Hank. Don't mention the TV thing. Wanda: Why? Brent: Because if he finds out, he'll be at my place all the time and it'll get awkward telling him to get lost. Wanda: Really? Hey, Hank. Get lost! Hank Yarbo: Why would you say that? Wanda: You know what? That is awkward. Hank, do you like amethyst? Hank: Yeah, you bet. I think, what is she, a stripper or a wrestler? Wanda: A stone. I'm selling jewellery. I made it myself. Brent: You're selling jewellery now? Wanda: I have to do something when I'm unemployed. Hank: Unemployed? Wanda: Do you want to buy some jewellery or what? Hank: What am I going to do with girl stuff? I'm a guy. Wanda: It wouldn't be for you. It would be for someone special, a girlfriend or...you're right. You would have no use for this. Hank: Duh. Anyways Brent, I need to borrow some money. Could you lend me... Brent: Shssh, shssh, shssh, shssh. Quiet. Hank: What are we listening for? Brent: I was hoping for the gas bell so I could walk away from ya. Sorry, Hank. I'm broke. I was just complaining about money. Wanda, tell him. I was just complaining about money But don't tell him why. Wanda: He was just complaining about money. Hank: Why? Brent: I just told her not to...ah, there it is. See ya later. Oscar Leroy: Why is the top of the sugar bowl open? Emma Leroy: If it wasn't open on top, it wouldn't really be a bowl. Oscar: You know what I mean. Why didn't you put the lid on? Emma: I never put the lid on. Oscar: That's what I'm saying. Thirty-five years and I'm always putting the lid on it. Emma: I wish you would put a lid on it. Oscar: You can't leave the sugar open. Germs get in there. And bugs. Sugar bugs. Emma: There's no bugs in there. Oscar: Oh, there would be. You have no idea. You've been living in a bug-free dream world, because I watch your back. But no more. From now on, you open the lid, you close it. No more free ride. Emma: Fine. Oscar: That's right. Lacey Burrows: That one's interesting. Wanda: Interesting? That's something people say when they don't like something. Lacey: Oh, no. No, they're definitely not interesting. Wanda: Oh, thanks. Wait. You really don't find them interesting? Lacey: No. No, no. I'll take that one. Wanda: Ah, good choice. That one's 80. Lacey: $80? Wanda: Yeah. Lacey: You sure about that decimal point? Wanda: I'll get the cash from ya later. Lacey: Thank you. Thank you, Wanda. Hank: Hey, Lacey. How's Brent? Lacey: Huh? Hank: I mean, you know, financially, how's business? Lacey: Fine, I guess. Well, there he is. Looks about as busy as usual. Hank: Picking garbage? You sure business is okay? Lacey: Hey, do you like amethyst? Hank: Nah. I don't have to like that stuff. I'm a guy. Lacey: You're lucky. Hank: Yeah, plus we can pee standing up. Lacey: Oh, men are always bragging about that. Hank: No brag, just fact. Oscar: Emma? Emma! Where are the towels? Emma: In the laundry room. Oscar: What are they doin' there? Emma: I take them down there and wash them, using something called a washing machine. Oscar: I know what a washing machine is. So why aren't the towels up here? Emma: From now on, you use it, you wash it. No more free ride. Oscar: This is about that sugar lid, isn't it? Todd: It's not broken. Brent: No, no. I'm just movin' up in the world. I got myself a big screen TV, high definition, surround sound. It makes you feel like you're right inside the show. Lloyd Robertson: A general strike was called today by labour leaders in...do I come to where you work and crunch chips? Brent: No. But you're welcome to. Todd: Yeah, okay. I'll give ya 40 bucks for it. Brent: Is somethin' the matter? Todd: Ah, my dog died. Brent: Mr. Scratchy? Todd: Yeah. Brent: Ah, no! Mr. Scratchy was a great dog. I loved Mr. Scratchy. Todd: Yeah. Hank: Poor Brent. Lacey: Hey. Are these the same? Davis Quinton: Well, one's a piece of jewellery and the other's a lawnmower. Lacey: Oh. Wait. This piece and this piece are identical. Except this one's 60 bucks. Karen Pelly: 60 bucks! What a hose job! Lacey: I paid 80. Karen: Oh. What a bargain. Lacey: I'm going to show Wanda. Karen: Yeah. Go show Wanda. Davis: Show her what? Hank: Hey. Brent is poor. Karen: What? Hank: Poor. He's got no money. Davis: Brent is not poor. Hank: Oh yeah? I just saw him pawn his TV. Karen: Really? He loves TV. Davis: Still doesn't mean he's poor. Hank: Plus, I saw him looking through garbage and I hear Wanda say he might have to let her go. Add this stuff up and it looks like Brent is broke. Plus he said he was broke. Karen: Well, have you talked to him about it? Hank: I can't do that. Karen: Why not? Hank: Because we're guys. We don't interact in a meaningful way. Davis: It's one of the things that sets us apart from women. Plus that and the fact that we stand up to... Karen: Yeah, yeah. Quit bragging. Davis: No brag, just fact. Hank: Look, we gotta do somethin'. Poor Brent, sitting all alone up in his place, too proud to beg. Lloyd Robertson: The federal government is expected to announce an increase today in... Brent: Oops. Sorry, Lloyd. Robertson: Well, could I at least have a chip? Brent: It's my last bag. Brent: All right. There's your change. Karen: No, no. You keep it. Brent: What? Karen: It's a tip. Brent: A tip? Why are you tippin' me? Karen: It's okay, Brent. You can pay me back. Brent: I'm not paying you back. It's a tip. Davis: He's not poor. Lacey: Oh, hey, Brent. Notice somethin'? Brent: Usually not right away, but eventually. Lacey: No. The pendant. Brent: You didn't give me enough time. Lacey: I got this one from a catalogue and it was 20 bucks less than the one I got from Wanda. Brent: Oh. You must really like pendants. Lacey: No. I only bought it to be nice. Brent: To look nice? Lacey: No, to be nice. And not this pendant, the other one. Brent: Oh. Lacey: When she sees it and I let it slip how much it cost, then she'll know she ripped me off. So, I guess you could say that was the being-nice-to-Wanda pendant and this is the teaching-Wanda-a-lesson-pendant. Brent: Oh, geez, I wish I hadn't brought this up. Oh, wait, I didn't. Lacey: I'll show her. Emma: What's this? Oscar: An improvement. I'm improvin' the room. Emma: How? By leaving it? Oscar: I've been sittin' where you want me to. Now I'll sit where I wanna sit. Emma: Is this about the towels? Oscar: That's right. We had a deal, and you broke it. Emma: So, the deal was I did the laundry and you sat on the couch? Oscar: Where you wanted. Now we arrange furniture my way. We watch too much TV anyway. Lacey: So, Wanda, how are the fries? Wanda: Good. Lacey: Not too expensive? The price was fair? Wanda: Sure. Lacey: Good fries at a fair price. That's our slogan. Wanda: Catchy. Lacey: You know, I could charge more, but I don't, because, uh, that wouldn't be a fair price. Wanda: And the fries are good. So good fries at a fair price. It works on so many levels. Lacey: I'm going to need more jewellery. Oscar: Pass the salt. Emma: I'm not doing that anymore. Oscar: Fine. Then I'm not changin' any more light bulbs. Emma: Good. Then I'm not putting the cap back on your toothpaste. Oscar: I don't need your cap. Do you think it's just gonna squirt outta the tube on its own? Hey, Brent, do you think it's just gonna squirt out on its own? Brent: I'm on a tropical beach right now. Oscar: See? He agrees with me. Aaah! Who put the couch here? Brent: Could you pass me Dad's plate? Brent: Man, I am havin' a great day. Business is good, I'm getting tips. I just had my Dad's lunch. You could hit me with shovel, I'd still be in a good mood. Lacey: I might take ya up on that. Brent: Wow. Nice rock. Who ya tryin' to impress? Lacey: Well, Wanda. I don't think she noticed. Brent: Maybe you should send her flowers instead. Lacey: No. I bought it to teach her a lesson. Brent, I told you about it this morning. Remember? Brent: No, I think you're mistaken. Lacey: How can guys function with such a short attention span? It's a gift, like being able to pee standing up. Brent: Who can pee standing up? Lacey: It must be nice to tune someone out while nodding and adding a few, "Yeah, I guess's" to the conversation. Brent: Yeah, I guess. Lacey: Ooh! Fitzy Fitzgerald: Brent, how are you? Brent: I'm fine, you know. Holdin' up. Fitzy: Good, good. Let me buy ya a coffee. Brent: You don't have...well, I take it black. Fitzy: And let's get him somethin' to eat. Brent: Sure. I'm not proud. Chili cheese dog. Lacey: I thought you said you already had your lunch? Brent: No. I said I had my Dad's lunch. Fitzy: Then he said he's not proud. He's lost his pride. Hank: Aw, poor Brent. Davis: But he's not poor. Hank: What's it take to convince you? Look at him. That's a broken man. Brent: I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but I think my TV is too big. Wanda: Well, you sit a foot away from it. Brent: Oh, man, I've got Burt Reynolds burned onto my retina. Wanda: You can't cure that with lasers. Burt Reynolds? Brent: Cannonball Run, Director's Cut. Davis: He doesn't look that good. Hank: He barely goes out anymore, just sits alone in his house. Fitzy: His empty, empty house. Hank: Surrounded by memories of better times. Look at him. Davis: Poor Brent. Oscar: Ahem. Emma: God! What is this? Oscar: I'm naked. Emma: Well, I didn't think you were holding a wrinkly purse. Oscar: What? Emma: Why are you naked? Oscar: I used to walk around the house naked all the time, in my bachelor days. And now you're not puttin' the cap on the toothpaste anymore. The glory days are back. Hope it doesn't bother ya. Emma: It doesn't bother me. Oscar: Fine. Emma: Good. Take your hat off at the table. Brent: Oh, hey, Davis. Davis: Heya, Brent. I had some extra groceries so I...you have a big TV. Brent: Yep. Davis: It's huge. Brent: That's what big means. Davis: So you're not poor. Brent: A man with a big screen TV is never poor. Hey, what's with the groceries? Davis: Oh, it's a police community relations thing. Every now and then we randomly give somebody groceries. Thank you for your co-operation in this program. Brent: Hmm. Man, I'm havin' a good week. Oh, hey, don't tell Hank about... Davis: I know. You don't want him inviting himself over all the time. Do you get kickboxing on this thing? It's on the digital channels. Brent: Oh yeah, I wanna get those but I just dropped a ton of dough on the TV. Davis: So if you had more money, you'd get the digital channels and then I could come over and watch kickboxing? Right? Brent: Sure. I mean how can I say no to a man who brought me lentils? Davis: Oh, yeah. Brent is poor, real poor. We got to, uh, do more to help poor Brent. Hank: "A"... Davis: "R." Oscar: What's that? Hank: It's a curse jar. You curse, ya gotta put money in the jar. Oscar: Whose jackass idea was that? Hank: It was mine, ours. Davis: Hey, Oscar. You cursed. Now ya gotta put money in the jar. Oscar: Go to hell! Hank: Someone's gotta put money in the jar. Davis: Rookie? Karen: Oh. Lacey: Oh, oh, do you like my bracelet? Wanda: Yeah. And the earrings. It goes nicely with your many pendants. Are you some kinda jewel junkie? Lacey: No. But isn't it funny that the pendant that I bought from you cost $80, and, ah, I can get all of this for 150? Wanda: 150? Lacey: Yep. Wanda: Man, did you get ripped. Lacey: Well, that includes shipping. Brent: Curse jar? Whose jackass idea was that? Hank: Come on, Brent. It's fun. Karen: Yeah. A real hay ride. Davis: It makes people feel good about cursing. Hank: Yeah. Brent: I do feel good, damn good. Karen: Come on! Oscar: Oh, Emma? I'm home. Oh. Emma: Oh, I forgot to say, if you're gonna stop wearing clothes around the house, I'm gonna stop telling you when guests are coming over. Oscar: I see. Elderly Woman: Who was she? Emma: I don't know. Brent: I can't believe what a potty mouth town this is. There's like 20 bucks here. Wanda: 20 bucks? Well, then, why don't you buy some jewellery? It's my close-out sale. Brent: Ah, purple's not my colour. Wanda: Buy some for Lacey. She's a lunatic for this stuff. Brent: Come to think of it, she does need some cheerin' up. She said, the other day, she was upset about something. Wanda: What's that? Brent: No, can't remember. Wanda: So buy some amethyst. 20 bucks. Brent: Done. Wanda: Thank you. Lacey: Look, I don't like amethyst. Okay? I only bought your stupid pendant to be supportive. Then I open up a catalogue and I see the exact same pendant in there for 20 bucks less. So don't you tell me that they ripped me when you ripped me. This whole situation is...oh. I'm sorry. I just really had to get that off my chest. Wanda: If it bothers you that much, here's your 20 bucks back. Lacey: Thanks. Brent: 20 bucks. I think that should just about cover it. There, that's for you. Wanda: Oh. Thank you. Brent: Oh, and this is for you. Lacey: Thanks. Brent: Oh. Hey, Hank. Hank: Listen, I know we're guys and we shouldn't talk on any meaningful level, but are you poor? Brent: Huh? Hank: Poor, broke, you know, no money. Look, could you turn down that big screen TV so we could talk seriously? You have a big screen TV. Davis: Hey, who invited him? Brent: Come on in here, Hank. Brent: Oh, more coffee, please. Lacey: Hank keep ya up late? Brent: Oh, you don't know the half of it. The guy comes over, plunks himself down on the sofa... kick-boxing till like 1:30 in the morning. Lacey: Yeah, I guess. Brent: Hey, how come you're not wearing your amethyst stuff? Lacey: Oh. I got rid of them. Oscar: Emma, you left the lid off the sugar bowl and look what got in there. Emma: I did not, I...oh, Oscar. Oscar: I know I can be difficult occasionally. Emma: It's lovely. Now put your pants on. Oscar: But my legs get too warm. Category:Transcripts